Lately motherhood has been on my mind. I think about being a mom when i cant fall asleep at night, i think about it when i can feel my new little "thumper" in my belly, I think about it when Kyler runs up to me so happy at what he has accomplished, i think about it when Ky dumps out the big bag of blocks i have cleaned up 100 times already that day, I think about it while laying next to my 20 month old in his new big boy bed falling asleep, i think about it when i talk to my daycare kiddos and they make me laugh at what they come up with, and so so so many more times. And what do I think about during all these times.....how incredibly special it is to be a mom.
Back before i met the man of my dreams I often thought of what it would be like to be a wife and mom. I will be honest it was always rainbows and happy times i thought of. Perfect kids running around, kids who sat with their arms folded at 15 months and up in sacrament meeting, raising the kid who when presented with candy or a carrot they would always choose the carrot, me up early to care for the husbands needs before kids woke up, a immaculate home, healthy good meals on the table every night, etc. I looked forward to motherhood, and being a wife with every fiber of my being. All i wanted was to be a mom. Simply a mom. Knowing there was a good chance in these times I would have to work, I got my degree in something that would allow me to be home with my kids and help other moms by watching their kids. Everything in my life has lead me to where i am today. All the Barbie roll playing, playing house all day everyday, helping my mom in the house, helping make dinners growing up, babysitting till i was one of the richest kids at my age.
So, does "real" motherhood keep up with all my high expectations i had as a 5 year old up to a 24 year old? I answer with not just a "yes", but a "it far outweighs what I could have imagined!" Is it all rainbows and happy days. Ha ha ha, NO! But it wouldn't be real if it was. Kyler is the opposite of reverent in sacrament meeting, he does fold his arms for prayer, but at times he yells out "mine" when i take the toy he is trying to play with, with his arms folded. While Kyler does love love love fruits and veggies, he would never choose them over a cookie! Ky drives me up the wall some day's till i just wish there was a stop, pause, and mute button on him. I rarely get up to make Brandon's lunches now that i have had a kid. My house is rarely clean, we have sandwiches, pizza and mac and cheese for dinner far more often than we should! BUT, I love every moment of it.
Motherhood to me is that feeling you get when your kid does something that makes you proud and you think your heart just grew 10 sizes bigger, its that feeling you get when your kid says "love you" for the first time (even if it is to his grandma), its the feeling of pure joy that you get to have another kiddo, its the laughter that doesn't seem to even do the moment any justice when your child does something so funny, its the feeling you get when you realize that your child is part you, and you see that part coming out in their personality, its the feeling you get when your child runs up and gives you tight squeezes around the neck just cause they want to, its that wonderful moment when they are falling asleep in your arms, its that feeling you get when you really want to sleep and they wake up crying and your gut is in knots cause getting out of bed is the last thing you want to do, you go in their room and they cuddle right up next to you, stop crying and fall asleep and you feel like a million bucks again. Motherhood is trying to teach a toddler how to sort laundry and it taking an extra hour to do so, but you had fun in the mean time, its all the worry, happiness, frustrations, excitement, tiredness, joy, all combined.
I remember hearing a talk by Sister Beck several years back about having a "Mother Heart" i wanted to share parts of it, but honestly they whole thing is wonderful so i am just going to paste it in here so you can read it OK instead of scaring you with a long post, here is an section of it,
"What is a mother heart and how is one acquired? We learn about some of those qualities in the scriptures. To paraphrase Proverbs: “Who can find a … woman [with a mother heart]? for her price is far above rubies. … She … worketh willingly with her hands. … With the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard. … She stretcheth out her hand to the poor. … Strength and honour are her clothing. … She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness” (
Prov. 31:10, 13, 16, 20, 25–27
and
HERE is a link to the whole talk...got to it, read it, you will be glad you did.
I am so grateful for the opportunity to learn along side of my children. Learn about my Saviour and His divine purpose, learn more about my Heavenly Parents and how they must feel to see us following the commandments and leading a righteous life, or how heartbroken they must feel to see us get confused with the ways of the world and fall away. I am grateful to have one perfect little monster to tend to all his needs. He is truly my joy in life. He is my everything. He is all things that is happy and good to me. He is a terror, he is a monkey, he is a Tasmanian devil who can make messes faster than i can say "little stinker". He a healthy, happy, bouncy, smart, loving, truck loving, daddy worshiping, doggy lover, mommas little man. He is what motherhood is all about. I am so extremely grateful to be having another little babe to make my heart expand another 100 times the size it already has become. I am grateful for everything that makes having these babes possible. I would just die inside to not be able to have children, and because of others talents and research it happens. They made motherhood possible for me and I am eternally grateful for them and their hard work and dedication. They must have know just how precious motherhood is and wanted every woman to have a fair chance at it.
I am grateful for a mom who taught me everything i know. She was my prime example of what a "mother heart" is. She not only blessed my life, but all lives she comes in contact with. She is a beautiful woman that i love with all my heart.
Here's to all the moms out there, cause what you do IS important, and DOES make a difference in many many lives. Here is to the perfect life of motherhood with all its perfections and imperfections to teach us what we need to know to be successful when we return to our Father in Heaven.
This cabin also is a "faith builder"cabin. At least that is what me and Brandon finally decided to label it as this weekend. No we didn't have major problems, actually besides the few set backs it was a perfect trouble free trip. So why is it the "faith builder" and why did it get its name this trip? Because it prompts lots of prayers to be said while up there. Prayers that the snowmobiles will start, prayers that Brandon and a poor fellow could find the cabin he was supposed to be at, prayers that that poor fellow wasn't a ax murder and my husband would come back safely (he was a nice guy, he was looking for his scout troop that was staying at a cabin up there, it was just taking a long time, 2 hours, for Brandon to come back to the cabin, which makes this mommy very nervous and makes her imagination fly away to absurd limits), prayers that Brandon wouldn't get stuck while being out alone hauling stuff to the cabin, and driving the said poor guy around, Prayers to say thank you a million times that he wasn't an ax murder, and that even though Brandon got slightly stuck while out helping the fellow, he was able to get out easily. Prayers on Sunday asking for a miracle for our truck to start so me and Brandon could get home for church on time, then another quick prayer to ask that someone could come help us get the truck unfrozen so we could just plum get home, another prayer offered by the pregnant useless mom that Brandon wouldn't get stuck while calling for help cause i cant help him get out, and then at the end of it all a prayer of thanks that A. Brandon's 2 brothers came 1.5 hours to help us get the dang truck unfrozen, B. that it started so quickly (last time the fuel froze it took all day and lots of work on it to unthaw it all, this time it only took 2 hours) C. that we made it home safely and D. that we had an awesome trip and lots of fun times with our little man.
The other night Kyler woke up before we had gone to bed, I was tired, he was sleeping in our room in the pack n play so his cousin could sleep in his crib....soooo being lazy i picked him up and laid down with him in our bed to get him back to sleep. He was sooo tired, but not falling asleep so i left him in there on our big tall bed (i know not super safe, he still cant get off it without falling) I checked in on him several times as he was moving around just making himself comfy and when we finally called it a night, this is the cute little bed bug we found..... he looks so grown up sleeping in a bed with a pillow. It was a happy mommy moment, i dont know why, just made me happy to see such a cute critter laying in my bed, and that critter was mine, all mine. I just love this little monster and am getting more and more and more excited for my little girl to come and join in on the lovin!
