life.

Life can be so complicated and beautiful and everything in between. We have had an incredible several months. And by incredible i dont mean it in the positive way. I mean it in the hardest time in my life. I have never been so worn out, frustrated, worried, stressed, irritated, and stretched to my limits. I always thought my life wouldn't ever be as complicated as it was when i was dating my soon to be husband, planing a wedding, working part time and taking 18 credits at the end of my degree that required tons of projects etc. I hardly slept, I was stressed. These last several months put that time to shame.
Why do i want to complain. Well i dont mean to complain. In fact i really don't want anyone to torture them self with reading all that will follow this. I just want it recorded for myself. So i can write it and forget it, or can come back some other day when i think about it and remember all that i learned from all that has come my way. Because as i take a break tonight and breath, i realize i am learning. Learning so much. Learning about myself, my husband, my children, my Heavenly Father. Learning and stretching and growing.
So if you want, keep reading. If you dont really care to hear me list my trials you can skip to the end and just read how i really feel at the end.

September we finally heard that we were going to be able to move forward on the short sale we had made an offer on the end of April. This is when all heck seemed to break loose. Even though this is when we got excited for this new opportunity, i think we really needed to learn something.

Kyler and his Tummy issues
At this time we were already starting to worry about Kyler. He has had diarrhea for a long time. Long story short at his 3 year well child check back in May our dr recommend we go back to the GI clinic at primary Children's and get it figured out as to why. Since then the dr told us to give him dairy back, we had him on a lactose free diet for just over a year until that time. So we changed his diet. They took some blood, ran some tests. Found his Pancreatic enzymes and Liver enzymes were elevated. We waited 6 weeks, took blood again. Liver enzymes were elevated from the last time, Pancreatic were the same.  A ultra sound was ordered on his liver/pancreas and they found a enlarged duct. Drs worried he had a blocked duct or a split in his pancreas. Both a bad deal. A MRI was scheduled and they sedated my little guy and had the MRI. MRI came back good. Relief. Back to the dr. Ordered us to go back to a dairy free diet! (This was one of the most frustrating things. He didn't care that he never got yogurt/string cheese/ice cream before because we took it away at such a young age. Then we could give it to him we let him have it all. So now, dairy free again it is rough. He really loved yogurt. He really really loved string cheese. And what kid doesn't like ice cream. So we are adjusting. He is a tough kid.) Now, after a couple other tests since his MRI they don't believe its his Pancreas. Relief. Dairy free seems to help. We still don't have answers. This trial is still not over for us and my baby boy thats not too baby.

Me and my Tummy issues
This summer I had my own pancreatic issues...odd, really odd. But it all worked out and im fine there. But while i was in the hospital for that issue it came about that i really had tummy issues. So they did a allergy panel on me with my blood and it came back that I am VERY allergic to dairy. Everything dairy. Whey protein, Casisen, all things dairy. I was irritated and love milk so it took a while for me to be motivated to do anything but give up my precious glasses of milk and milk on cereal. Then i got pregnant and bless my pregnant body it really hated milk. So now, i have had to go dairy free for real. Its hard. Diary is in everything. This is the hardest thing I have had to do. I am slowly learning how to make dinner for my family that tastes good to those who can eat whatever they want, and is good for those of us that cant have the really good stuff. :) Its been a challenge. I have honestly hated every minute of it and have gone about it kicking and screaming. Then, at Stake Conference a speaker was talking about our health and eating healthy. At the end of her talk she said some people are given food illnesses to teach them to be more disciplined in their life. This hit me so hard. So SO hard. This is exactly what this is. It was then, that i realized i can be stronger than i was being. Since then i have almost cut dairy out completely. I just need to fill my pantry with good stuff for us and donate my other food to lucky neighbors and friends. Then it will be even easier.

Baby #3
During all this i got pregnant. It came much quicker than we planned. Kyler came to us after a year of fertility treatments, Brookie came to us after 5 months of fertility. So I planned somewhere between there for #3. baby #3 came after 3 treatments. Miracle. blessing. Then came the sickness. Say what! I was never sick with the other 2. only puked once with Brookie and that was after a long day of eating too much and then going on a windy road sitting in the middle of a 15 passenger van. This pregnancy. Rough. Puking daily. Never feeling good. Exhaustion. Thanks to finally getting some pills that helped with the puking and then moving into my 2nd trimester i think i might live. :)

Primary
In the last 2 months i have written the primary program and tried to organize my side of this responsibility. I love primary. I love the kids. I adore the presidency i am a part of. They are all 3 blessings and good good friends of mine. Just been busy. :)

Mom
My mom is where she should be(on a mission in Canada), but man oh man i miss her like crazy.

Daycare
During all this I am still working full time. This shouldn't be such a big deal. But it is. I work from 7:30-5:30. No break. I cant go to the post office. I cant run to the store. I cant run to the bank. 99% of the time im stuck home, or as i like to put it im under house arrest. I have been able to take Kyler and 2 other kids to preschool 3 days a week, so i do get to load 7 kids up in my car and drive 4 blocks drop off 3 kids and then come back. Just that much helps, but still. I love being able to stay home with my kids. I love the kids that i tend. But 50 hours a week, thats a lot.

Buying a Short Sale
DONT EVER DO IT!! its not worth it!! Ok with that said, it was a great deal. So in a way it could might maybe be worth it. In the last month and a half i have had to send 59 emails back and forth to the mortgage broker and realtor. I have attached or faxed over 50 different documents. I have more phone calls than i care to count, and spent more minutes on that phone than i care to count. Doing all this while working, raising my family and attempting to feed them. :)

Renters
We had to rent our house we already own. Obvioulsy we would need renters. We found great ones. I was sooo excited. They back out. We had to find renter in a week. No one would come look. We heard of a couple people that we wanted to rent, but they wouldnt come or call.  Finally someone came. They wanted it. They signed a contract. They have been so great to play the stupid bank games they have made us play. Its been rediculous. Sign a contract, the bank not like it, come back sign another one, the underwriter didnt like it, come back and sign another one. SERIOUSLY!!! They arent the ideal renters, but hey they signed and resigned and played a dumb game so they deserve it.

Last night we signed on the house. It was as if a load of stress that had been lifted. As I was driving home all alone. No kids, no husband, all my defenses were down and I lost it. Once i regained control of my emotions (blame pregnancy for at least 75%) I turned on my favorite Jim Brickman Christmas CD and just thought. It was during this time, humble and teachable that i realized all this is for my good. All this is preparing me to be the kind of woman i have always wanted to be. Im no where near her. She is a woman i hope to become. But after all the struggles, stress, tears, and frustrations, I know my Father in Heaven has been there the whole time. He was walking right along side of me and Brandon. We weren't doing it alone. My testimony is that much stronger and i know that with discipline and prayer i can achieve who i hope to become.